I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
