I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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