i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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