My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
