Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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