Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This is the high leading the old right now
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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