OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
