I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
