Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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