I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
