O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ladies don't puke and tell
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
