I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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