I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize