why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
