My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
