I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
