the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
