careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
