Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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