You're my little dorito
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
