you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
