He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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