she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize