theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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