Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
