Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my being single is dangerous.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
