just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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