no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
