if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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