You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
