You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
