community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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