I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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