I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
