I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
