Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
