your parents love me but you hate me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
