Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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