I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
