GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
