Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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