I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
