I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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