I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
