im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
