the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
