Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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