one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
