Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize