I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
