You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
