I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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