The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
