I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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