it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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