My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
