I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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