we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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