turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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