I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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