so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
