I wish I could teleport
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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